This little princess works in a coffee shop (as a supervisor, of course) and am therefore an expert on coffee shop etiquette and would like to educate the masses. Well, what I am really going to do is bitch about work, but it sounds better if I say I want to teach some etiquette. Here it goes.
NEVER be rude to people who make your coffee. Do you know how easy it is to make a drink decaf? You will never taste the difference and two hours later when you are crashing from lack of caffeine I will still be at work, laughing maniacally at your downfall. Point for the barista.
It is standard to ask for every customer's name. Do not assume that because I work behind a counter I do not know how to spell. "My name is Brad. B-R-A-D." To which I will respond, "Yes, that is how you spell that," and proceed to decaffeinate your drink. If your name is difficult to spell, THEN you can spell it out, or better yet, choose a "coffee name" and tell me that.
If you place your order while talking on your cell phone, not only will you be given decaf, I will be staring at you the entire time, trying to make your clothes light on fire with my mind.
Sage advice: know what you are ordering (or at least inquire). Do not order a cappuccino because it sounds fancy. "Can I get a cappuccino with no foam." "Actually, you can't." "What?" "Nevermind." = Decaf latte.
More sage advice: never tell baristas that we made your drink incorrectly. The remake will be decaf, trust me. If something is wrong with your drink (assuming it IS your drink and you didn't take someone else's drink like a dumb ass) then politely say that something doesn't taste right and ask us to remake it.
Anyway, there are plenty of other ways to piss off your local baristas. The best way to make sure you are getting your caffeine is to just not be a bitch. Can't come down off of your bitch chair for that long? Then either invest in an espresso machine for your house or start drinking tea...unfortunately there is nothing I can do to the tea...trust me, I've tried.
In parting, always remember, hugs not drugs...unless they're prescription, because this princess loves his percocet.
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